If you’re reading this on January 13th and feeling like you’ve already slipped on your New Year’s resolution — that’s a completely human experience. You’re not alone, and you absolutely haven’t failed as a person.
Studies consistently show that only a small percentage of people — around 8% — actually achieve their New Year’s resolutions by the end of the year, with many flagging or abandoning them quickly after setting them. (University of Scranton published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology)
Some sources even note that large numbers of people have already stepped away from their goals within just a few weeks — and there’s even popular unofficial dates mid-January (like “Quitter’s Day 17th January, or “Ditch New Years Resolutions Day” 7th January) reflecting this shared struggle.
So if the sparkle of January 1st has dimmed, remember: you’re not failing — you’re experiencing a very common human pattern.
Why Willpower Alone Isn’t Enough — and What It Really Is
We often think change should happen if we just try hard enough — if we summon enough willpower, grit, discipline.
Here’s the catch: willpower isn’t an infinite, constant force you can draw on forever.
There’s a long-standing idea in psychology called “ego depletion” — the notion that willpower is a limited mental resource that gets used up when you exert self-control. Early research suggested that after resisting one temptation or pushing yourself hard in one area, people were less able to exert self-control shortly after, as if their willpower had been drained. (https://openknowledge.nau.edu/2338/7/Dubner_D_2016_Willpower…)
Later work has shown that how we interpret willpower matters (people who believe willpower is unlimited often perform better), but even so, the basic pattern remains: relying solely on willpower tends to lead to burnout and fading effort, especially when goals are ambitious, vague, or externally driven. (PubMed)
In everyday life, this means that after a long day of decisions, resisting urges, managing stress and obligations — your capacity for extra self-control just isn’t the same as it was in the morning.
Which is exactly why so many resolutions have slipped away by mid-January.
The Power of Habit — Your “Automation Schedule”
Here’s the good news: you can make lasting change without relying on a wilting supply of willpower each morning.
That’s where habits come in.
Habits don’t operate on willpower in the moment. Once a behaviour has become automatic — a practiced part of your day — it doesn’t require the same conscious effort or internal tug-of-war.
Habits are like setting your goals on autopilot.
In the early phases of habit formation, you do need focused attention and effort. But over time, as the behaviour repeats in consistent contexts (same time, same trigger, same environment), it becomes what your brain expects and defaults to, rather than what it debates or resists. (more here Simply Psychology)
That’s why two people with the same goal — like improving sleep — can have very different outcomes:
- One tries to “will themselves” to sleep earlier each night — relying on self-control that fluctuates.
- The other gently builds a habit loop (same bedtime routine, small steps, consistent cues) — so the behaviour becomes a standard operating procedure rather than a daily battle.
Habits give you consistency without willpower, and that’s where real change takes root.
Goals That Come From Within — Not from the Calendar should be the goal!
For so many of us, New Year’s resolutions are tied to the calendar — we feel we should start something because it’s January 1st.
But your body doesn’t care about January 1st — it feels hunger, fatigue, stress, joy, connection, rest. Change that lasts isn’t about dates — it’s about what matters to you personally.
If your goals are based on:
- how something feels in your body
- what values you want to live by
- what life you truly want to create
…you’re far more likely to stick with them.
That’s because internal motivations — like feeling more rested, calmer, more present — are inherently rewarding, and they anchor goals in meaning, not guilt or external pressure.
Shift Your Perspective: Evolving Toward Your Next Version
A subtle but powerful mindset shift:
- Moving something you want is more effective than
- Moving from something you don’t want.
Instead of: “I must stop being lazy / overweight / stressed”
Try: “I want to feel more energetic / calm / connected.”
The first is avoidance. The second is attraction. And goals rooted in approach — what you — are more motivating and more sustainable.
And Remember — Goals Don’t Have to Be Giant
Not every worthwhile goal needs to be heroic, dramatic, or world-changing.
This could be your year to…
✨ Get enough sleep most nights
✨ Speak to yourself with compassion
✨ Drink water mindfully
✨ Take a short walk every afternoon
✨ Notice when you’re tired and rest
These goals may sound simple — and that’s the point. Small, meaningful changes are often the ones that stick longest.
So If You’ve “Given Up”…don’t despair
You haven’t failed.
You’ve just learned something about what doesn’t work — and you now get to try something that does.
Instead of depending on an ever-fading supply of willpower, choose goals that:
🌟 Come from your own values
🌟 Are tied to how you want to feel
🌟 Can be supported by habits and routines
🌟 Move you toward what you want
This year, let you — not the calendar — guide your goals.
Amy Madden 