Queen Elizabeth II passed this week, and in a flurry we have seen social media explode, a cessation of parliament in Australia, insertion of a public holiday on two weeks notice, and well… a confused stew of grief and relief.
In short, it matters because we are seeing a steep descent into value based arguments.
People become most passionate when they are speaking from their values, from what they hold dear, and to which is attached stronger feelings.
Should Australian parliment have stopped? Why do we have small businesses carrying another public holiday on two weeks notice? If we can change this date easily are there not a couple others worthy of that change too? What does it mean to have a King in this day and age? What will we do under the factured leadership of the Monarchy? Can we have a Republic? Why is Camilla a queens consort? What about Diana? And why shouldnt’ Camilla be a queens consort? What will we do without the Queens constancy and dependablity we have been witness to for the last seventy years? Where does Hollywood and the Duke and Duchess Harry and Megan fit into it all? Thank goodness that an insitution responsible for so many harms can be finally laid to rest,….and on go the statements.
For some, the Queen represents something important to them, lets say stablity. In a world that has been characterised by instablity and insecurity these last few years, the death of the Queen represents another change, and one that heralds a whole host of other technical changes (God Save the King anyone?). In her passing, the reality that nothing is stable or secure is bought up and forward. Nervous systems are activated as the sense of stablity is challenged.
To counter this, they do as with all things, and start to move quickly, to scramble for the thing that feels at risk, to secure lose items and count chickens. They make argument that will slow down the change and make room for processing, that respect must be paid, mourning must happen slowly and properly, her life must be properly honoured. Grief may be displayed prominently and publically so likeminded people may come together, or so others will understand.
For others, the Queen represents something entirely different and almost opposite, lets say an archaic anchor into a time that isn’t modern,isn’t in keeping with todays demands on people. The monarchy is a “brutal relic” of times past with no place in modern day government or law. There is a feeling of sudden relief that the weight of this relic has finally passed naturally and without confrontation, and they are relieved and turn readily to the future. They may feel perpelexed and confused at the grief and slow plodding feet of others, and quickly arrive at the harried parents phrase “come on!”, or ask people to dismiss their strong feelings, as their own nervous systems become activated I. The confusion.
Some see the Queen as symbolic for something important, womens strength, dignity, respect, ingnoance,gluttony, repression … you name it, it will be there.
And people get passionate.
They’re saying words about the Queen, but what they’re really speaking to is their own principles, values, hopes and dreams.
And THAT conversation is ALWAYS important as far as I’m concerned. THAT conversation, about what we believe, what we need, what moves us, helps to clarify the structure and scaffolding of our lives, and helps us to understand that of the people around us. In that understanding we can regulate and calm our nervous systems.
This is particualrly useful for people who are different to us. Understanding builds harmony and community. Understanding mind, is different from agreeing in this context. It is to come to another and to hear what is important to another, not to try to convince or convert. In the process of building understanding and harmonious commnities, we can breakdown loneliness and other collectively understood and agreed upon ills.
So if the Queens death has moved you in a diffiult or painful way, I see you, for the feelings you are having relative to your own world, values beliefs and needs.
If the Queens death has moved you in a lightening and uplifting way, I see you, for the feelings you are having, relative to your own world, values beliefs and needs.
And I urge you, to please be gentle with those who see it differently from you.
And together, we can move forward, in understanding and tolerance (and with calm secure nervous systems!) and hopefully the continuing creation of a fabric of community around us.
Amy Madden 