I just wrapped presents, and as I was merrily making the magic with the tape and scissors, I realised that there would be nothing under the tree in the morning for me.
Because I make the magic.
Sure we will see people later in our celebrations and have on other days, and I imagine there will be gifts.
For tomorrow though, when “Santa” has been, and my little one bounces out of bed to embrace the magical experience of early morning abundance, there will only be gifts with her name there, and other people we may see later. None with my name.
I mean, it doesn’t bother me terribly, Im not materialistic, and if you follow my other work around christmas, you’ll know I make magic and meaning differently.
The thought though, reminded me of what it might be like for the many women I walk with who don’t have anyone giving them gifts, on christmas morning or any other morning. Its a bit of a lonely feeling. Maybe you’ve felt it? That crunching reality that no one is going to guess what you’ve been hoping for and wrap it up.
Its tough not to take it personally.
And it adds up across the year.
No one else to make the dinner while you put your feet up, no one to bath the kids while you get the washing on, no one to go to afterschool pick up because youre late in the traffic. No one remembering your birthday as you wake up on the day or planning you a dinner out. No one to be in partnership with to juggle the load together with.
I do alot of educating about the plight of single mums. Fighting back on the misconception that somehow the life is easier or that single mums do it for the wealth of the parenting pension. (PUHLEEESE!)
It is not easier. It is lonely, it is tough, and although the experience of watching your kids grow safely is priceless, it requires you pay with everything you have. Including the dreams you once harboured that bought those children into the world.
I want you to know I see you.
I see you there, creating magic, protecting your babes, carrying the burden and still looking forward and upward, expectant of the next horizon.
And I am proud of you.
A woman said to me a few weeks ago “I dont need it to be easy, I just need it to be possible”. It is probably the most accurate mantra of single mums I’ve ever heard. That mix of grit and determination with real life awareness of capabilties.
So, in the face of no gifts for christmas morning, and not wanting my little one to feel the brunt of that as she opens and enjoys her own abundance, I went about the house, selected and wrapped myself up a skirt from my closest, a journal in keeping for when the current one runs out, and a box of chocolates. They all have my name on them, and thanks Santa, I’ll be squealing with joy alongside her when we embrace christmas morning magic.
Becuase it doesn’t matter whats wrapped up, it matters who we are with, and it matters that we’ve created a sense of being involved, loved and connected.
I firmly believe we can do that for ourselves, even when we are the only ones carrying the burden even when its unfairly heavy. Even if we have to wrap up our own presents, wipe our own tears and choose without failing, our own happiness against all the odds.
I see you.
And I wish you a very happy, safe, joyful and connected Christmas
Stay gentle with you
A
Photo Credit Unsplash – David Everett Strickler
Amy Madden 