One of the most common is questions I hear from people when I say I only work with women is “what about men? Why do you only work with women?”
This is question is important and while I used to cringe at the sense that I wasn’t being fair, I’ve grown a lot and my reasoning has only gotten more and more certain in my mind.
Men are valuable and important members of our society, and socio privilege aside, many have experienced significant things in their individual lives that are worthy of and deserving of support. Men’s issues and lives DO matter, Men’s experiences are important, and men DO deserve support.
Here’s the thing though, I think we are raised on a context, and the experience of being a man, is deserving of support from someone across the subtle qualities of being a man in the world. Being raised as a boy in our world is repeatedly shown to be different to being raised as a girl.
Just as I believe that specific groups should have the right to informed, trained, specialised support I believe men deserve this too. For example people in the LGBTQI+ community deserves support from people who properly recognise and are able to incorporate the nuance of this experience. Because the experience of sexuality may well be integral to some of the issues they bring to therapy. At the very least the therapist should not have a blind ignorance to these areas.
I am also definitely not saying men should only be supported by other men. Being a man does not necessarily qualify someone to be attuned to the diverse experiences of other men.
It’s being well trained and experienced in working with men and issues relevant to men makes you qualified.
In this vein, I believe women also deserve specialist support from therapists attuned to the unique experience of being a woman in the world, because its likely to be integral to other issues they bring. I believe after twenty years working specifically with women and women’s issues, this is the area I’m competent in. I think it’s important that I don’t arrogantly assume my competence in supporting women means I can be competent across other diverse experiences.
So what about the men? There are excellent men’s therapists out there and they can and should be doing the specialist work for men.
It’s true too, that when men do the work they need to do, just as when women do, that everyone benefits. So let’s make sure that people get to see the most appropriate person possible and not settle for a one size fits all approach.
Gentle with you
A
Amy Madden 